Worried .. Death/after& before Life..

[MsSensitivity]

So- Im pretty much at my wits end. Im 22 years old.. and for the past 5-6 years I have been worried about death. What happens when you die. That was the major concern up until this year. NOW- Ive opened up a new door. Why do you die, what happens, and.. I cant even enjoy lifes moments now b/c all im thinking about is " well, we're going to die anyway". Why go to the movies, party, laugh.. be with my boyfriend.. ".. when we are going to die anyway. How many years do I have left w/ my bf if everything goes well- what? 40? 50? etc. I know I should NOT be looking @ life this way- and trust me.. I would give anything to say my biggest concern was " what am I going to wear tomorrow". I wish I could live in the now.. but I find myself looking at LIFE through a microscope. Like everyone is living, working, breathing.. having fun.. and Im looking at it like- well its going to be over. Ironically- I Love my life. I love my friends.. family, etc.. I just WISH it would stop there. That I could go on every day.. and just be normal, regular.. but im starting to believe I never will. Not 1 day goes by that I dont think about it. NOT ONE. No exxageration. I cant even take a shower without thinking about.. I run out.. b/c too much time alone.. makes me wander. When I wake up sometimes I say.. " Im going to die one day". I know it may sound very crazy.. but this is the norm for me. All my friends have run out of things to say.. I tried a ministry counselor.. and he begins to preach about God and being " ok with dying. b/c you go back to God" but that doesnt soothe it!!! It makes it worse!! I believe in God.. Im thankful for all the miracles.. but I dont want in my head everyday. I just want to Be normal.. if that makes sense to anyone. I dont want to look at life this way anymore. Its been going on for too long and Im crying inside.. What will be the solution! my boyfriend says that im too intelligent and "an idle mind is a devils playground". That I constantly need to be doing things to keep busy.. but even ME.. the biggest romanticist in the world .. when im with my bf I think " well this is temporary... b/c we will be dying soon..". THEN .. ( im not done) .. I think about all the people who lived before us.. ALLLL The couples who lived before us and were in love .. and blah blah.. they are dead now. EVEN MORE confirmation that this relationship im in.. will end too.
Im convinced my problem cannot be cured b/c its BIGGER than life. If my problem was.. knee problems, or I blink too much, or afraid of clowns.. that is WITHIN life.. so I wish I had that..