why I worry about dying everyday!!!

[Aussiemum]

Hello all,

This is my first time here and my first time posting.

I have lived with anxiety for some time now. I used to think my fear of dying was normal but now I realise its a problem.

I am being treated for my anxiety( fear of being trapped, around big crowds, going to new places) and it seems to be going well however the fear I have of dying is so controlling I wonder wether i will over come this.

I would love to hear from others who my have this phobia or fear of dying.

If I read an artical about cancer I immediatly think I have it. If there is a TV show on heart problems I immediatly think I have a bad heart. Today I have pain in my pelvic area and am now thinking I have ovary, colon or cervical cancer. (I typed in pelvic pain on the internet and some of the symptoms are physiological fears caused by stress. I know that is most likely me but I still worry)

sometimes I think I should go to my doctor and have a full examination but will that help ease my worry? Will I worry that they may have missed something? I am scared to go and get tests and I worry they will find something bad and I will die!!

my poor Husband doesnt understand and I hate feeling like this. I love life and want to live till I am old and crippled..

Look forward to hearing from others on this topic or about how they cope with everyday fears..

Thanks all and I am so happy I found this site :)

[mamalisa422]

Hi! WOW we have quite a bit in common there! Everytime I have a stomach pain or a bad migrane...I think I have cancer or a brain tumor!!!! If I have lower back pain...my kidneys are going out...really I am super weird about things like that! I freak out over the tiniest things! And DOCTORS....I am totally freaked out about going to the doctors office!!!! Well really I have been doing a bit better lately with my meds I am on. Have you gone to a doc yet? I am on klonopin and lexapro and it really helps alot! But every med is different for everyone so I'm sure you'll find the one thats best for you if thats the way you want to go about it and you havent allready! Well best wishes....take care!

[sam]

hello AnnMaree, it looks u are also going through the same phase which i was ,I'm 18 and am just about to finish my first year in uni. My worries are quite bizarre and specific i wont go out socializing with my friends a nite out makes me feel nausious and anxious i dont know why, if i manage to pluck up the strength to then go out with them i dont drink as it makes me nervous about being ill and hungover. Also i wont eat certain foods for fear of being ill. i cant remeber the last time i went out for food in a restaurant and ate a whole meal. Yet there are certain places that are 'safe' as i describe them that i know can do without getting to worked up or anxious such as the cinema and beach. Meeting new people is obviously difficult and as i have the usual worries will they like me, omg they think think i'm a freak. Ive told my friends about it and they sort of understand yet still they are unable to persuade me on a night out. i therefore spend most nights alone in my room while my friends are out partying. Then this makes me nevous because i shouldnt be in my room on my own so much. this all seems to add up 2 a visious circle of anxiety. Any 'new' and 'big' situation i find scary usually results in me not eating until i am used to the situation.For example when i moved away to uni i didnt eat for 4 days as the nerves made me feel sick.i went away 2 uni to try 2 concur my fears which has helped me make friends easierly but hasnt really helped me 2 go out more.

but after joining this forum , now i'm feeling good about myself by hearing and reading encouraging and inspiring stories and replies , this forum has really changed me from what i was before joining this forum and my friends are also liking and behaving good with me.
i would recommand u to be positive and interact more with the members outhere , it would really help u .

take care and be happy

warm regards,
sam

[Spidy]

Incessant worry comes in all forms but yours is understandably attached to all the death .
Everyone's afraid of dying and has thoughts like, how's it gonna happen for me? Death is not a thing anyone's ever totally come to grips with. But you are depressed so you are going to think these gloomy thoughts more often than someone who's not.

I would see about counseling so you can let some of this out and try and replace the scary thoughts with more positive ones. And you are alive, maybe you don't see that as cause for celebration with all the loss and sadness and fear you've experienced but in time and with healing you can feel like a survivor, not another accident or tragedy waiting to happen. Be picky about counselors. Find one you like and feel comfortable with or you will not progress and get well as quickly as you should. And sometimes the wrong therapist can become a prob in itself.

I wish you the best and a happier outlook down the way.

thanks,
spidy.

[Mesandy]

I just finished a book called "Intoxicated with My Illness" The author felt a great sense of exhilaration when his doctors told him he had an non treatable cancer and that he was going to die. The theme of the book was his attempt to be "alive when he died." In other words he wanted to live life to its fullest, even in the moment of death, since he was certain at the end stage of his life.

It certainly is something to think about... the natural order of death. Not the terror of death, because that terror is a bogus ruse. Most people who die are ready to die and embrace it.

think about it and take care and be positive.

warm regards,
mesandy:)

[Aussiemum]

Thank-you to all who have replied to my worry about death!:) :)

The last few days have been terrible for me.:(

I got myself so worked up about pain in my pelvic area that I was convinced I had a tumor and had months to live! why would I do that to myself? My husband was all worked up and worried for me as well.
I made a doctors appt yesterday and after she excamined me she said nothing was wrong. I had her check again and she said I was fine.

I had such releif but was so angry at myself for behaving like this!

I am seeing a councelor and have touched a bit on this subject but I now realise that I have a major problem with fearing death and will need to work on this.

I am not on any medication. I am depressed but when I have a good day I think that I dont need to be medicated.
Why is my world falling apart. I am known as the bubbly, freindly, out-going person and nobody really knows the true me. My Husband knows I am depressed and have anxiety but thats it.
i dont have any friends I just know alot of people. I dont want to be tied into going to a friends for coffee or meeting up at the shops/mall.
does this make me worse that I keep to myself and avoid socialising?

I read from sam that you spend most nights alone in your room rather than going out with your friends, it cant be good a 18 to feel like this but I understand how you feel..
Mamalissa, thank-you for telling me about yourself. To hear about another person who feels like I do is a big releif to me. I know I am not dying but I cant get that thought out of my head when I feel aches and pains!

I believe finding this website is a turning point for me and I truely feel so much better today after reading more on this site.

A very warm thank-you to you all and please take care.
AnnMaree
Australia! :p

[mamalisa422]

Hi! Yes like I said I do the same thing any little pain or ache is "I'm dying!!!" so I understand completely! My meds really do help though...you should see a doc. I went to 2 different ones and I think the female doctors are alot more understanding. My doc is great! But anyways yeah that would probably be your best bet, because I too do the same thing! We are worry-warts..lol! But it can get better but the first step is seeking help. Until you do that things will probably stay the same! Well best wishes to you I look forward to talkin to you and hope things get better!

[minxy]

hello annmare , i also think a female doc would better understand your problem , so i also recommend u a female doc and u said that after joining this forum u are feeling good and that sounds really good , cuz we have made this forum for all the people who are suffering and suffered anxiety and phobias , so that they can interact with each other and can discuss their problems and help each other , anyways thanks a lot for the appreciation and we would like to hear more from u.

thanks,
minxy

[Aussiemum]

Thanks Minxy,

i appreciate the feedback from you all.
i have been telling myself everyday that I'm ok and so far its working.
I have a session tomorrow with my counselor so I will let you know what she recommends.
Im still in denial that I have a mental illness and I am trying to heal without medication.
If I can stay strong and be positive I think I can work through this without drugs, but if I am also open to medication if it becomes to overwhelming.
I dont look at medication as a bad thing, I just want to see if my counselor and anxiety therepy can help before I resort to medication.
chat tomorrow
AnnMaree

[Aussiemum]

I would really love to hear from anybody who may have these thoughts about dying that are related to Anxiety.
its just nice to know that you are not alone and to feel understood! :)

[Spidy]

hello annmare , it looks u have become the star of this forum u have great fan following ( just kidding) , anyways how do u doing, u should be feeling better then before u joined this forum and keep on posting about urself and any help u need , we would really be there for u.

thanks,
spidy.

[Aussiemum]

Hi Spidy, Thanks for asking about me...
i have an appointment with my counselor this arvo so I hope to pick-up some more helpful hints in helping me cope with my fear-anxiety..
I will check back later today.
Speak with you all soon.
AnnMaree

[Aussiemum]

Hi all,

Well no major news today. Spoke with my counselor but she keeps telling me to breath-relax and be positive. Sounds easy but it will take me time to be able to do this.
i have lots of information on thoses subjects so I have a fair bit of reading ahead of me!
I hate the fact that I worry about illnesses and if I am sick but this is a fear that I have to face.
A friend of mine suffers from Bi-polar and has tried to take her life a few times by OD. We just spoke today about this. I scared stiff of death and she wants to die!!
We are all different and I suppose thats what makes up this beautiful world.
Hope everybody is well. :)
AnnMaree

[Aussiemum]

Hi All,

Just wanted to say g'day!
I have been reading a lot on Anxiety and i am being so positive that the past few days have been great.
I have to remind myself probably 5-10 times a day that I'm ok but it seems to be working.
I have started breathing exercises. I breath in and count upto 3-4 then as I exhale I say to myself RELAX. I do this 3-5 times.its actually working and I am so happy!

some literature that i have read tells me I will most likely have Anxiety for a long time if not for life and its about control.

i have a long road a head of me but I have to start somewhere..

I am finding with my Anxiety that i have good days and bad days, I just need to manage my thoughts better so on the bad days I can work on turning it into a good day?? Sound good anyway!?!?

If anybody on this site needs help I would love to share what I can with you.

AnnMaree

[Spidy]

hello annmare, how do u doing , it looks u are much more relax and happy and u are saying that u are doing some meditation , well its good to keep u relax and stress free , i also do it in the morning for 15-20 minutes and that makes me feel fresh and relax all through the day and i also able to do work in much relax manner.

take care and be happy,
thanks,
spidy.

[Aussiemum]

Hi All,

Meditation has been really helpful but its not fixing my problem as yet.

I am so focused on beating my Anxiety without medication but its going to be tough!
I feel neauses a lot and have stomach aches which is due to my anxiety and stress levels.
I know I am not dying but its hard to get the thought out of my head.
I feel really stupid but I honestly cannot stop these thoughts entering my head 20 times a day!

I have been getting out of the house more in the past 2 weeks and it has taken my mind off "Bad Thoughts" but isnt that just avoiding my thoughts?
When I get home and its quiet and I am alone and bored you can guess what I am thinking about. I feel as though i am a referee to my thoughts!!!

ok so thats my bit today.

i am better than 2 weeks ago and I choose not to go back to the blackness. I am having more counseling and have more resourse books and I am helping myself by keeping busy so I can see the future buts its just bloody hard.

i wish there were more people on this site with this condition as it would really help me with mine.

My counselor believes I can beat this without medication but when?
I often want to cry as nobody really knows just how hard it is to feel like you are dying every minute, every hour of everyday!
AnnMaree

[Aussiemum]

Imagine you found a lump in a place where a lump really shouldn't be. Or perhaps you're experiencing unsettling heart palpitations that are keeping you awake at night. Despite every test imaginable, the results consistently return negative. A huge relief, right? No? What if instead of relief you feel disbelief, and you insist on more tests and go from doctor to doctor searching for answers, convinced that you really are ill?
I have just taken this from another thread written by (Spidy)

Very interesting!!!!

AS you have read I went to the doctors worried that I had a lump. The Female Doctor wasnt very friendly and just told me that there was nothing there. Now to me I was extremley distressed that I was going to die and she made me feel dumb!
I left releaved I was fine but after I left the Surgery I started to think "She wasnt nice, she couldnt care less about me, she must be wrong I am sure there's a lump, maybe I should get another opinion"..
Because its embarrasing stripping off down below I havent been for another opinion and I am still stressing about NOTHING!

Anyway I can see how us Hypocondriacts DO cost the health system time and money!
i am ware thet I have something wrong with me everyday. It could be a stiff back, blocked-runny nose, headache, stomach ache, ear ache, cough, leg or arm pain and the list goes on and on. I dont go to the doctors for that but my poor Husband has to hear about my so called illnesses everyday.

He has just started seeing a counselour because of me. It makes me feel terrible that he is seeing someone but I cant blame him!!

Well theres some more info into the life of ME. I'm Bubbly, fun, caring and outgoing to strangers and a bloody pain in the butt to myself and my family :) :)
take Care,
AnnMaree

[Aussiemum]

Hello,

Its been a week since I added to this forum.

I had been doing ok until Monday when I had a (Melt Down). I have been super positive and focused on getting better but its all been too much!

I'm not a doctor, I am not on medication and I am still learning about Anxiety so I thought my POSITIVE ways were going to be like a rollercoaster!
I didnt just wake up one morning with anxiety, I have been suffering it long before I care to remember. Its just been the last 6 months thats its pretty much taken over my life!

I am not getting better, i dont know how to get better!
Yes I read up on my condition and yes I speak to my counselor but its just not working.

My husband went to see my counselor yesterday and explained to her OUR situation. i am due to see her next week and I believe She is sending me to a psychiatrist for intense therepy and or medication.

i am scared, embarrased and unsure regarding the psychiatrist but i have to get better!
Tuesday and Wednesday were excellent for me but today I feel nauseas and tired. I'm an emotional rollercoaster!!

OK well speak again soon.
AnnMaree

[sam]

hello annmare , really feeling bad about yours problems and you know before i joined this forum i was in a same position as u are now , but now i'm feeling good about myself and it looks as if i didn't had any problems and i would suggest you to keep patience and relax and try your best to get involve in some thing like some activities , sports etc so that you can forget about problems and also enjoy .


warm regards,
sam.

[sam]

hello annmare , really feeling bad about yours problems and you know before i joined this forum i was in a same position as u are now , but now i'm feeling good about myself and it looks as if i didn't had any problems and i would suggest you to keep patience and relax and try your best to get involve in some thing like some activities , sports etc so that you can forget about problems and also enjoy .


warm regards,
sam.

[Aussiemum]

Hi sam,

Thanks...
you are so right. I still need to concerntrate on the positives and my meditation. I just want to see results NOW!

I have started walking this week with my 2 young kids and I do feel wonderful after. I know exercise and activities are good for Anxiety-depressed people.

i will keep this up and find out my fate next wednesday when i speak with my counselor.

Enjoy the week-end. :)
AnnMaree

[mommymorey]

Annmare,
I found your post today while searching about my own problems with anxiety and stress. I have been dealing with tightness in my throat, indigestion, heart palpitations, panic attacks, you name it!
I, like you, have gone to a therapist but am trying to beat this without medication. I know it's been a year since anyone has responded to ths post, but please tell me that you are doing better without medication!! I am trying to be more active, but it's hard when you fear palpitations will come and i will die right there on the road. ( i know MORE anxiety and fear).
I have never felt this way before. It started when my mom passed away 8 years ago, yes 8 years ago and still dealing! I was managing until my son was born and i quit my job. Seems like the more i am alone with my thoughts the worse i am. I hate this! I want to live again. Not live everyday in fear of dying.