Making That First Impression: First-Time Contact

When you first meet someone, you have just ten seconds to make an impression on them. Or, to put it another way, in the first ten seconds after meeting a new person, you will be making a particular impression on them whether you like it or not.

Before you even open your mouth to speak, you non-verbally imprint the other person with your persona - the image you present to the world - coming across as effective or ineffectual, confident or nervous, friendly or standoffish.

Even with someone you've met before, you can determine the whole tone of your contact by what your body language communicates at the very start.

Let's begin, then, with the basics. How do you initially make contact? The most important way humans normally do so is with their eyes, so use yours effectively. Don't use an off-putting stare but do keep your eyes on the person you're about to greet so that, when they turn to you, you're ready to meet their gaze.

If you open your eyes just slightly more widely than normal, this approximates the fleeting 'eyebrow flash' that humans give spontaneously when they acknowledge another person, and which will automatically make your companion feel welcomed and appreciated.

After the initial greeting, follow through that eye contact. Humans naturally turn toward those that they respect and value, so let your body and head direction focus on the other person, and fight any temptation to look or move away.

You'll be much more impressive if you face directly, lean in slightly and display confidence and friendliness with a smile. (A good trick to remember if you're feeling nervous and finding the encounter difficult is to smile quickly and widely three or four times, rather than try to maintain a fixed grin, which will die away slowly and embarrassingly.)

Then you will be ready to move into a formal greetings ritual involving words and touch. The direction in which your body is turned and angled toward the other person can automatically extend itself into offering your hand to be shaken.

Don't be shy of this; humans are programmed to feel closer to someone they've touched, so missing out that part of the ritual means you lose the chance to create a bond.

A tip from politicians, incidentally, is to forget worrying about what to say, and simply repeat the person's name as you look and touch. This not only makes your companion feel important, but links the person's name and face in your mind, making recall easier.

Throughout, of course, you won't be acting in a vacuum. The other person will be giving you clear signals as to whether they approve of what you're doing. Keep checking constantly to see how friendly or formal they want to be, and then adapt those five separate elements of your greeting: eye contact, body lean, smile, touch and words.

If meeting an opponent in a crucial sports match, for example, you may want to tone down the smile and shake hands crisply and briefly.