Improving Communication Between Men And Women

When young boys swear and use tough language, their behavior is often tolerated as normal for their age. We assume that they are trying to act big. Grown men spice up their vocabulary with occasional profanity and it is mostly acceptable.

On the other hand, female actions are expected to be more restrained than their male counterparts. This directly affects the communication skills of both females and males. At work, we often find ourselves at cross purposes.

But, whether male/female differences stem from genetic makeup, influence from parents, or cultural conditioning by society, the fact is that we are different. We act differently.

We speak differently. Men often assume a direct, forceful manner of communicating, while women typically acquire a quieter, more tentative, questioning approach.

The result of these differing uses of language often leads to misunderstandings. The only way that we can begin to close the communication gap is by accepting and validating these male and female differences.

The first step toward a better communication is to accept our differences. Different doesn't mean wrong. Men tend to define themselves through their achievements. They like to handle things on their own. So at work, if a woman suggests to a man that he could use some help, he may think she believes he is incapable or, worse, incompetent.

Women define who they are mostly through the connectedness of their relationships and through feelings. Reverse the above situation, and the woman would not as likely take offense at the suggestion. Much of our business communication is based upon the interpretation of the male and female listener. Words are only as useful as the way they are heard and understood.

The second step is to learn the rules of communication. We have rules for just about everything we do. When we engage in sports, we play by the rules; when we drive, we follow the rules of safe driving, when we play games, we play according to the rules. Learn the rules that men follow when they communicate. Seek to understand the rules women also unconsciously follow for successful communication.

For communication between men and women to be effective, we must recognize the differences between male and female communication styles.

Men and women, at home or in the workplace, whether speaking or listening, use communication methods designed to meet their primary communication needs.

Men need to feel accepted, to feel admired, to feel appreciated, to feel approved of, and to feel trusted. On the other hand, women need to feel validated, to feel respected, to feel understood, to feel reassured, and to feel cared about.