Communication Tips: What Not To Do During A Conflict

1. Don't get in a power struggle. There is a significant relationship between power and authority. Many times, as power increases, authority decreases and vice versa. Well known sociologist Erik Erikson noted that children become emotionally disturbed when they possess power they cannot responsibly handle. Clearly defined norms and rules are needed to govern life, or people become self-destructive.

One creative response you can bring to conflict is an ability to give away power, allowing others to take control of their feelings and the event in question. Your authority increases when you empower others instead of getting into power struggles. If you can find a way to turn aside power struggles, you'll be more effective during conflict.

2. Don't detach from the conflict. At first, this may seem contradictory, but it is actually a way to monitor conflict and keep it under control. It is important that you have a passionate concern for both the people and the problem. Business will not operate without people, and it cannot operate efficiently until substantive conflict is managed. Concern is one motivation that drives us to find the opportunity in conflict.

3. Don't let conflict establish your agenda. Time management specialists suggest it is imperative to do the important tasks, not the urgent. This principle is often distorted under the pressure of conflict, and many important business matters are ignored in an attempt to deal with the conflict.

Perspective is the key. In conflict, the individual must know both the goals and direction in which to move. Decision and responses to conflict should match this overall direction. But sometimes urgent needs interfere with daily schedules. A time study should reveal that you have spent time managing priorities and not managing conflict unendingly.

In order to help you manage the urgent, don't spend all your time and energy on one issue. Also, watch time traps. Are there tasks that always seem to consume your time before you're aware it's gone? Next, identify urgent issues, especially negative or conflict issues. If you notice one consistent time offender, manage that offender.

The intensity of the conflict determines which strategies will be the most effective. It is easy to be pushed to worst-case scenarios when faced with a difficult conflict. Those locked into higher levels of conflict lose their ability to quantify the intensity of the problem.

Keep in mind the following:

1. People are rarely as benevolent as they perceive themselves to be.

2. People are rarely as evil as their opponents perceive them to be.

3. Individuals rarely spend as much time thinking about the issues as believed.

4. The motivations of others are rarely as planned or thought out as presented. Most aspects of conflict spin off other events and are not the result of cold-hearted calculation.

5. Every conflict has a history that extends beyond the present. The people and their previous patterns of relating taint the present perception.