Communication Styles: Which One Are You?

One element underlying everyone's personality is which of the senses they favor. Does someone revel most in what they see, hear or touch? (The senses of smell and taste are usually peripheral, important only in situations such as eating or love-making.)

Most humans do have a slight preference for one of these, but some people have an extremely distinct liking for one sense or the other, which informs their personality and can frequently show through visibly in their body language.

1. Lookers: Lookers tend to have good posture but tense shoulders. They're often thin, with tight lips. Obviously they'll choose clothes and furniture for visual impact - they feel good inside when they see attractive things. Not only this, but they also think mainly in pictures, which causes horizontal brow-furrowing, so they may have forehead wrinkles on an otherwise unlined face.

2. Listeners: Listeners think sound is important - words as well as noises. Their usual posture is with head slightly down and to one side, as if listening, or with one hand up to their face or ear - the 'telephone posture.' When thinking something through, you'll often see their lips move, as if talking to themselves.

They love rhythm, and may beat out mental riffs on tables, on chair arms or in the air. They'll have the car stereo set to turn on when they start the ignition.

3. Touchers: Touchers - who are typically very emotional people - are often rounded in shape. They may not actually be plump, but they tend to lean in, and have slightly rounded shoulders and full lips. They breathe deeply, move in a rather loose, relaxed manner and often have deep voices. Their style is based on how things feel rather than look, so they will choose for comfort and softness rather than fashion.

There are pros and cons to each sensory preference. Having a tendency toward one rather than another does not put a person at a disadvantage in life, though it may mean that they are more suited to some tasks than others.

Never, for example, ask a listener to tell you what to wear to a party, while fashion advice from a looker will ensure that you look superb - but won't guarantee that you will feel comfortable. Equally, if you spot that your interior decorator is a toucher, you may want to hire someone else!

Check to see if you yourself have a strong preference for one sense. If you have, prepare for potential problems when you meet someone with a strong preference for another.

If you're a looker and a friend is a listener, drawing him a picture of your new apartment will be useless; tell him about it instead. If he, in return, tries to describe his new girlfriend, you may need him to show you a picture before you can really be enthusiastic about the relationship.

Even more subtly, lookers, listeners and touchers differ in their basic communication styles. A looker will, literally, need to look a lot while talking - which may make a listener feel invaded; meanwhile, a listener, who tends to look away while speaking, may make a looker feel unappreciated.

And if, during a squabble, your toucher friend moves closer to get reassurance, he isn't invading your space, just following his sensory preference; if you hug him, he'll find it easier to feel good again.