3 Categories Of Human Communication

Your words and behavior tell people who you are. Human communication and behavior fall into three basic categories: Passiveness; Aggressiveness; Assertiveness.

Passiveness is a reluctance or inability to confidently express what you think and feel. In the past, our society rewarded women for being passive and men for being aggressive. But as more and more women voice their concerns in the workplace, this is changing.

Aggressive communication and behavior, whether direct or indirect, results in a put-down of the other person, making her feel hurt, defensive and humiliated. Aggressive behavior does not take the other person's goals or feelings into account. Only the aggressor's goals are met.

This often generates bitterness and frustration that later returns as resistance and dissension. Think of a time when someone used aggressive communication at the expense of another person. How would you feel about approaching such a person? Aggression intimidates, demeans and degrades another person.

Assertiveness is an alternative to the extremes of passiveness and aggressiveness. It is being confident in expressing what you think, feel and believe, standing up for your rights while respecting the rights of others. Assertion is rooted in respect: respect for yourself and for the other person.

People tend to cooperate when they are approached or advised in a way that respects the needs of both parties. Assertive communication frequently allows both persons to get what they want.

How To Remain Calm When Dealing With An Angry Person

An effective method for keeping your cool with an angry person is to concede his right to feel the way he does, even if you disagree. Using an "acknowledgment strategy" allows you to        remain calm and objective without having to defend yourself.

Then using reflective listening skills show that you sympathize and understand your attacker's feelings. This action tends to defuse the conflict. A sympathetic response keeps you from fighting with the person and allows you to zero in on the sources of the conflict. Here are some examples of statements that acknowledge another person's feelings:

"After telling you that you got left behind, I can see why you are feeling upset."

"Now that I know you are interested in me, it makes perfect sense that you would be upset by me ignoring you."

"From what you've described, I think you have a perfect right to be upset."

When you remain composed under pressure, it also encourages the other person to calm down and talk more rationally. By carefully listening you may discover that the angry person has:

• Magnified an incident out of proportion
• Misunderstood information
• Interpreted your statement or action as a personal attack
• Picked a fight to cover up a larger issue
• Made you aware of a genuine complaint that you need to address

3 Steps To Dealing With Those “Know-It-All” Types

“Know-It-Alls” feel compelled to impress and dominate you with what they believe to be their vast experience and superior knowledge. Know-It-Alls like to see themselves as experts and believe that they always have the right answer to any problem! While they may be well meaning, Know-It-Alls try to overwhelm you with facts to prove they are right, minimize your level of understanding, and pressure you into accepting their expert advice.

Know-It-Alls sound something like this:

"Listen to me, kid, because when it comes to. . . , I know what I'm talking about."

"It's pretty obvious that you don't have a clue as to what this issue is all about. You'd better let me make this decision for you."

"I'll tell you exactly what you should do."

"Look, let me explain it so that even a simpleton like you can understand!"

You can question the wisdom of the Know-It-All's advice without getting into an argument or making him or her feel snubbed and insulted. This three-step strategy can help you tactfully cope with a pushy Know-It-All:

1. Restate the main points.

2. Ask detailed follow-up questions.

3. Ask for a solution to a worst-case scenario.

Choosing The Right Words To Diffuse A Conflict

Once you determine the source of conflict by seeing the situation from the other person's perspective, you can find a compromise that satisfies both of you. Now that you have defused a tense situation, you have the opportunity to discuss possible outcomes and solutions to the problem.

Impress upon the other person that - to work out a true compromise - each of you needs to look at the issues from the other's perspective. Once you explore the specific issues and focus on the problems - not the personalities - then solutions for compromise will surface. Using this process, both people walk away from what was once a hostile situation feeling satisfied with the results.

You might guide the other person into talking about solutions or a compromise by saying:

1. "Now that we both understand the issue better, let's see if we can come up with some solutions that will make both of us happy."

2. "I'm sure we can iron out our differences on this problem"

3. "I can understand that you feel that everything is getting dumped on you. If we both take a look at all the work that needs to be done, I'm sure we can work out a better way to share the load."

4. "When your not happy, I'm not happy. Let's start talking again so that we can figure out a  way to get this relationship back on track."

Discover The Art Of Conversation

It may be a cliche, but it is nevertheless true that the key to successful conversation is good listening - this is what makes other people enjoy talking to you. But good listening isn't only about asking relevant questions. The constant non-verbal signals of your interest are actually more vital than your occasional verbal queries, however well phrased.

The best way to send the right signals is, of course, genuinely to listen, blocking out your own thoughts and focusing on what your companion is telling you.

If you do this, you'll spontaneously offer the body language that a good listener does: you'll look at your companion, you'll naturally lean towards them and angle your head slightly to one side in order to hear them better. You won't fidget or fiddle; your body will remain still and attentive, except for any slight matching of posture or gesture.

For extra impact, you can also 'raise the volume' on your body language signs of attentiveness. Humans are biologically programmed to feel good when they get a reaction from someone else, so the more feedback you give to someone who is talking, the more appreciated they'll feel. Begin by angling your body toward the person who's talking and you will be offering a nonverbal invitation to speak.

Why Do Men & Women Have A Hard Time Communicating With Each Other?

Women often accuse men of missing many nonverbal cues in the communication process, and research shows this to be true. However, males do focus on the vocal aspects of what is being said - the paralinguistics. And one conclusion that can be drawn from research on vocal quality is that women tend to be more specifically judged on voice traits than are men.

Perhaps this is an extension of the fact that women are judged more (and judge others more) on their physical attractiveness. A woman's voice is yet another dimension of her attractiveness.

Men react negatively to female vocal characteristics that undermine authority, such as a high pitch, slow pace, or increased inflection. As noted in several surveys about female communications weaknesses, men were often critical of female voices, saying, "Women need to speak with more strength of voice and presence," or "Their pitch needs to be lower and their speed is too slow."

Indeed, voice is one of the biggest contributors to women losing credibility in the workplace. Some women use their voices like little girls, with attention grabbers at the beginning of their statements – gasp. "You'll never guess what happened to me!"